Monday, January 4, 2010

What's a Jewlombian?!

Now that I started this thing I've been thinking all day about what to blog. Should I blog about going back to work and telling everyone how fabulous my new years was? Should I write about the awful date I had tonight with the go-go-boy-with-the-heart-of-gold who wouldn't put out cuz he's looking for a "deeper connection?" Or should I vent about how it's almost 5 days into the new year of eating better and i still ate a meatball parm hero for lunch and a falafel sandwich with fries for dinner and didnt go to the gym?!

Well since those I guess are just as simple as they sound I decided to write about what it means to me being Jewlombian. Being that I love my portmanteaus as much as the next girl, Jewlombian is just my Brangelina/Bennifer way of saying that I'm Jewish by nurture and Colombian by nature (oh and also really really gay).

I was born in Bogota, Colombia but was adopted when I was a couple months old and flown back to the US (first class I am told) in the arms of my adoptive parents who are both very much alive and kicking and still married today. My mother is a nice jewish girl from Queens and my Dad was raised half jewish, half protestant in Brooklyn and together they raised my sister (also adopted) and I to be good little jews ourselves. I knew how to say "oy vey is mir" way before I had learned any word in spanish yet was constantly reminded by my tanned skin and Shakira good looks that from the outside I was as latino as they come. Still today I am a bit embarrassed when I go to the bodega and get tripped up in spanish small talk that I must interrupt to explain that I speak no spanish but am indeed Colombian. Hell, my white co-worker Adam Miller speaks better spanish than me and i secretly wish I could understand his little kiki sessions daily at 5PM with the Colombian cleaning lady but hey I can still make a mean latke and wittily insert yiddish into my vernacular daily and let's face it, that always makes for better "schmoozing" than spanglish anyday! Yinglish anyone???

The other day at my job I came across a show we did about a girl named Oxana Malaya. Oxana was raised from the age of 3 to 8 by a pack of wild dogs in the Ukraine who took her in when her alcoholic parents forgot she even existed. These wild kids are called "feral children" and when little Oxana was discovered in the 90's she sparked great interest in the scientific community about whether we are products of our families (nature) or of our environment (nurture). Although able to speak her language today she is still known to bark on occaisions and has had boyfriends for which this is a dealbreaker. She still feels most comfortable around dogs.

To that i say woof woof bitch, where's my boyfriend? My date tonight sucked!

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