I can't with having no headphones!

I promised myself I wouldn't be one of those bloggers who only blogs about how they haven't blogged.

Last night my friend Adam slept over and this morning my headphones were gone.

He stole them! But I guess it was an accident. Apple iPhone earbuds are on every flaming homosexual in this town so it's natural that he would think that they were his when he left me this morning. They're practically a gay staple. At first I freaked out this morning not knowing where they had gone and searched everywhere for them before leaving the house. Was I ready to face the world without my headphones?! Without the one escape I get nowadays from the noise and bustle of the big bad apple?

Apparently not. Just walking to the 1 train from my building this morning was otherworldly without my music. Stepping in the train car, I was met with a fucking mariachi band trio, of course!! Why have I never seen one mariachi band on the train since my move earlier this year from Queens to Manhattan (or ColOmbia to ColUmbia I like to call it) until this morning? I actually took one of those free amNewYork papers to keep my mind occupied on my commute but it wasn't working. I was thoroughly distracted by all the people on the train, the babies crying, the school kids yapping, the ones with headphones blocking it all out, and I was silently dying inside.

I was secretly envisioning my world without my headphones forever. How would I watch TV at work and hear everything loudly without plugging my headphones in? How would I watch YouTube and the Biography of Diff"rent Strokes on my office computer? How would I work out at the gym? How would I run on the treadmill? How would I make trips out to Fire Island on the Long Island Railroad? What would I listen to on the beach?! What would I do?!

When I got to 42nd street to transfer to the 7 train going east I ran into my producer, Amita. She asked how I was feeling because yesterday I woke up with a nasty stomach ache and bad case of the runs. I told her I was much better but now I was obsessing about not having headphones. Then we had a nice kiki about the workday, the weather, the weekend, and all was forgotten.

I had made it through my headphoneless commute. There was even an article about the Jersey Shore kids getting into fights in the amNewYork I picked up that I would've missed had I had my headphones. Maybe I would've missed Amita too, and our nice little kiki. Maybe I should try to buy a book too. I see people reading on the beach and the train all the time. Yeah, maybe that's what I need, a nice book. Maybe one about the Jersey Shore.

And I should address that a lot has happened since I've been "gone". Tyra Sanchez is the new drag superstar (but JuJu will always be mine), I tried out for Big Brother, shaved my head, Whitney Houston's career is over, Lady Gaga conquered the world some more, I grocery shop now, I cook, Betty White survived SNL, my mother survived a health scare, $cientology is going down bitches, Kirstie Alley's show crashed and burned, I reconciled with a best friend, Naomi Campbell hit some more people, Wendy's still werkin it, Bethenny had a baby, Sandra Bullock had an Oscar AND a black baby, I go to the gym almost religiously, I can navigate the steam room just fine, Fire Island is moments away....within reach...I can feel it.

Wow, maybe I definitely shouldn't stay away so long. I should have my distractions taken from me more often.

I can't with getting old

I'm getting old. Being in my late mid 20's I think it's safe to face the fact that I'm no spring chicken.

But it sucks now that I'm starting to see the effects of this!

It started last week when I had a long hard look at myself in the mirror and noticed lines on my face I hadn't seen before around my mouth and under my eyes. In addition I also noticed the proverbial "bags" starting to form under my eyes and I decided it was time to do something about it.

I immediately started calling my friends who are older than me to see what they thought and was surprised to hear that they had the answers for me right there on the spot. Apparently they have been dealing with this for a while. Without naming names or going into too much detail and to make a long story short I was told to try a number of different things such as, cucumbers, preparation h, chilled green tea bags, an under eye stick from garnier that contains caffeine in it, under eye night cream from clinique, ice cubes, water, and sleep sleep sleep.

Sleep seems to be the big one and the one that I haven't been getting a lot of these days and should try to do more often. To make up for the lack of sleep I got last week at work I decided to stay in most of this rainy shitty weekend and sleep. I even put some spoons in the freezer a couple times and dozed off holding them on my eyes to ease the puffiness.

I have been noticing a bit of a difference since I started this over a week ago but I have to say I think it probably has a lot to do with heredity and genes and those are both things we can't do anything about. What I can do about aging gracefully is probably try to not stress over any of it. I mean I could go to town on every little thing that is wrong with me and I'm sure they would be noticeable to everyone. But I kinda feel like if I just go with the flow, sleep more, chill the fuck out, and let myself get older all will be done naturally and gracefully.

I kinda keep thinking that once the summer comes and I'm out on Fire Island and relaxed and tanned then all these under eye circles and bags will just fade into my skin and I'll be healthy and refreshed looking everyday but then I thought, hey, isn't the sun bad for our skin too? I'm sure if I just lay out and bake my skin off for my bags I'll start seeing lines a lot sooner in a lot more places and just start stressing about those as well. It's a lose lose situation when we try to take on Mother Nature. She'll kick our ass like Naomi Campbell. In the words of Truvy from Steel Magnolia's, "Time marches on...and sooner or later you realize it's marching right across your face!"



Maybe this is just my time to let nature happen. I'm the oldest today that I've ever been in my life and that's some hell of a feat! Hey, I think I deserve to take a nap for that one.

Maybe I should just go to sleep! I think I'll have a glass of water first.

I can't with my haircut

I can't with the haircut I got last night. I need a new barber.

I miss the Colombian guy I went to in Queens. :( People are telling me I should just go back to Astoria and see my old guy who was cheap and fast and painless. I literally could just walk in and sit down and not worry about a thing and he would hook me up. But is that crazy? To go all the way to Astoria just for a cut??

Last night I went to this cheap place around the corner from my job. I had been there once before when my Astoria guy was on vaycay and the guy in the window was Israeli and did just fine. Last night he wasn't there so I went to this other guy who was really rough and kept throwing me around and he completely shaved my hair all the way to the top, no fade at all, and butchered my neck and sideburns. OY!

My boss today sent me haircut place recommendations when he heard me kvetching all day about the cut I got and don't like. Maybe I'll check them out. Maybe I'll buy a flowbee. Maybe I'll shave my head. (No wait, I'm saving that for the summer)

Maybe I'll shut up and stop bitching cause it's just a haircut.

Good thing my hair grows quickly I guess! I wanted a cute cut for my housewarming party this weekend and that is what happened.

I look like a dominican Rosie O'Donnell.

Maybe this is the universe's way of telling me to stop cleaning up my look and start cleaning up the apartment! We got people coming over.

Ok time to paint the bathroom with Dane. Chowder!

I can't with the Snooki haters!

Everywhere I turn it seems that all I hear is people hating on Snooki and I'm sick of it!

People at my job make fun of me all the time not only for being a die hard "Jersey Shore" fan but for adoring its breakout star, Snooki, but seriously, they all secret love it and are just hating on the Snooks!! My boss called the whole show crap today and said Snooki looked trashy. I was cc'd on an email today with a group of people from a bunch of different companies and everyone was making fun of her. I was talking about her at the gym tonight to the manager who laughed when I said how much I love her.

Snooki and the gang were on The View last week and not only were Joy and Whoopi hating but I asked my friend who works for ABC to get me tickets for the show to see Snooki and he was all, "Wouldn't you rather go to a show with someone worth seeing?" Can you believe that?! Turns out he didn't even try to get me the tickets and I had to watch the show from my desk at work that day and it was the only time I watched The View where I actually liked Elisabeth and Sherri more than any other chick on the panel. I had no idea Elisabeth was such a fan of the mindless escape one gets from enjoying such a fantastic show and Sherri even proudly copied Snooki's signature pouf hair-do on the air and I was living!!

So what did Snooki ever do to anyone?

In case you live in outer space "Snooki" is Nicole Polizzi, the self-proclaimed "Princess of Poughkeepsie" who rose to prominence last year in the first season of MTV's smash hit "Jersey Shore." She was famously punched in the face by some goomba at Beachcombers, this local watering hole her and her housemates hung out at in Seaside Heights, NJ. She went on to recover from the fiasco and got drunk the next day and went right back on her perpetual quest for a Guido juice head gorilla to fall in love with.

Hasn't the girl been through enough?

I was thinking about the parallels between Snooki's life and my own and they are fascinating! I will now proceed to get all Madonna giving Michael Jackson's tribute speech at the MTV Awards on your ass:

Snooki was born in South America in the 80's. So was I.

Snooki was adopted by white parents and raised in upstate New York. So was I.

Snooki identifies more with the culture she was raised in opposed to the culture she was born in. So do I.

Snooki is short. So am I.

Snooki has faced adversity and has had to work harder to gain respect from people. So have I.

Snooki was a gymnast. So was I.

Snooki got punched in the face at a bar. So have I.

Snooki lives to dance and gets all tribal on the dance floor for attention. So do I.

Snooki loves pickles. So do I.

I mean if this is not enough proof to show that she and I are kindred spirits I don't know what more you need. As a matter of fact it was when I told my boss that she and I were kindred spirits that he mentioned she is trash. Hmm, I wonder what he's trying to insinuate.

The thing about Snooki is this - She tries her best with what she has been given and isn't apologizing for it. I gotta hand it to her because that is pretty fucking rad. Her bio on MTV.com reads as follows:

“Nicole is looking to meet the man of her dreams. When she goes to the gym, she goes in full makeup, hoping to make a splash with all the toned men. Her height has been as much of a strength as it has been an obstacle, and it will color her

summer at the Shore in a big way.”

Snooki embraces herself and life, making it colorful no matter what she's doing or where she goes. That gets a big thumbs up in my book. She's able to make fun of herself and recognize her flaws but she knows what she wants and she goes for it regardless what anyone thinks! She puts it all out there, the good, the bad, the ugly, but she's getting it out there and doing her thing and is fearless in it.

The fact that we share a lot of the same characteristics is rather refreshing to me and maybe that's why I can't no more with all the trash talking people seem to be doing on her right now. I mean honestly although Snooki is the most notorious cast member from the show her behaviors were quite tame and reserved compared to the rest. Sure she got drunk on the first day and made a fool of herself with her lesbo friend and The Situation in the hot tub but she wasn't having reckless unprotected sex every night with random strangers like the boys were doing. She was looking for love. True love.

Plus I believe she's the only one who is in school trying to get a degree while working as veterinary assistant helping animals on a regular basis. It's crazy that she's the most together person on the show but gets the worst rap and is the most hated on. I know that now that she's gotten a little fame she's everywhere but c'mon people let's not hate on a girl who's just trying to make a dollar and a cent in these crazy economic times!

I'm not saying the Snookster is perfect. And that's kinda why I love her. I'm actually certain that Snooki is still coming into her own and quite insecure about a lot still today but hey, so am I. So are you. So are we all. We're constantly finding our way in life but that's what makes us human and it's certainly no reason to hate on someone when they're putting it out there and owning up to who they are. Especially when they prove that they can get knocked down (or punched in the face in this case) and get right back up and keep on going!

On a side note, I'm very happy that Wendy Williams (my other kindred spirit) has given Snooki the star status and recognition she deserves for being a short, cute, little hot mess and sat down with her on the couch last month. Thanks Wendy for giving the people we want to see the airtime they deserve with interviews that don't highlight how little knowledge they have about high school level geography and mathematics. And we also don't want to hear Snooki's (or the rest of the cast's) 5 and 10 year plans like they were asking on The View!! Puhlease! We just want to see them have fun and enjoy their youth by being exactly who they are with no apologies and that's what you show us Snooki!

So, Snooki, you little juice head chasing, pouf-haired, adopted Chitalian, tonight I'm toasting this pickle to you, and I'm not apologizing for it girl!

I can't with my diet

So it's a new month and a new me. Operation diet for Fire Island is in full effect as of yesterday and I honestly have to say, I'm starving.

This winter I became quite accustomed to eating a lot of junk because I guess I had to face it, that's what I love to eat! McDonald's and Wendy's and Burger King are like my favorite ever! I like to get the Angus Bacon and Cheese burger with a side of fries and that orange kool-aidy drink and a chicken mcnuggies for an appetizer. I like pizza too and when Domino's had those 555 deals which were 3 medium one topping pizzas for 5 dollars each ohmigod that was the end for me.

The past few months I have been super bad and have been drinking a shit load of regular soda like ginger ale and coca cola and snacking regularly on chips and pretzels and chocolate and starburst! Starburst are my absolute fave. I like the baja california flavored ones but recently starburst put out this "FaveReds" pack where every starburst in the pack is red and aren't those really the only ones we really like anyway? It's a pack of Cherry, Strawberry, Watermelon, and Fruit Punch and I would run down to the deli in the middle of the night just to satisfy my cravings and practically be finished with them before I could even get back to my apartment.

Plus dont even get me started on the ice cream and desserts! Honestly for so long I wouldn't say I avoided sweets but I just never had much of a taste for them. The past year however I started buying ice cream and loving it. When cakes and pies and cookies and stuff used to be around I used to be like, "No thanks" not cuz I was watching my weight or anything but mainly cause I just didn't want any. That was then, this is now. Nowadays whenever someone busts out some homemade treat at work watch out because I'll probably be knocking you over to get at it and whenever it's someone's birthday I love the little cupcake rituals we have in the greenroom not to mention all the times I've been going to Billy's bakeshop outside of the office. My friend Roger is the manager there and gives me treats for free and I can never resist their carrot cupcakes with the cream cheese icing and pecans on top. Mmmmmm.

So it's probably a good thing that my final Fire Island share payment for 2010 was due yesterday and while writing and mailing the check I was able to reflect on all the amazing yet so oh fattening treats I've been enjoying the past few months and recognize a change was in order, in a big way.

Since I've told people I've been "going on a diet" for the most part their reactions have been "What are you talking about? You're crazy, you're thin!" Although some queeny bitches have been like "Girl get in gear and lose that flabby tummy pronto, the summer's almost here!" (Even though they feed me chubby hubby on Thursday nights and get mad when I go to the gym instead of their place to watch Project Runway. No shade) But I guess saying I'm going on a diet is more my way of saying that I'm going to change my eating habits through omissions and healthy substitutions and make an effort to stay active more than usual.

So what exactly am I doing? Here's a rundown:

1. Water - Ok so I very rarely if ever drink water but I hear that's what really helps people lose weight and look great. In one of the early seasons of America's Next Top Model when Yoanna House won I remember watching an interview with her where she discussed how before she made it on the show she used to be a fatty and when they asked how she lost all the extra poundage and what she did to look so great she said she drank gallons and gallons of water everyday. So that's what I'm gonna do too. Thanks Yoanna!

2. Diet Soda: When I'm not gulping water and want a treat I'm only going to drink diet soda instead of all the regular stuff. I've found that Diet Sunkist really serves up a refreshing taste while not tasting so diety and although I've never really given it a chance I'm going to buy some Diet Dr. Pepper too. I remember those commercials where they said that "Diet Dr. Pepper tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper" so I'm gonna buy some of that and decide for myself once and for all. Plus even though I'll be switching to diet soda I'm still only gonna make it a treat for myself like a can with lunch or something, not all the time.

3. Special K: So I've always heard a lot about this special k diet and decided to somewhat try it. I bought the cereal and the cereal bars and will be having this for breakfast in lieu of my bacon, egg, and cheese's and bagels with cream cheese. I wont be doing the 2 bowls of cereal a day thing and sensible dinner though but I will be enjoying it some mornings (always with skim milk) and sometimes with fresh fruit here and there to spruce it up. The cereal bars are 90 calories and that's a lot better than the breakfasts I'm used to!

4. Coffee: Not only being more water in my body but coffee also helps to speed metabolism and gives more energy. I don't put milk or cream in my coffee anyway, just one sweet and low so it always makes for a great low cal drink.

5. Snacks: While at work in the middle of the day I'll usually grab a soda or some chips but now I'm now going to be stocking up on healthier alternatives like a banana, some almonds, a skim milk polly-o string cheese, or carrot sticks. I mean totally gross I'd obviously rather have the junk but more junk means more junk in my trunk that I'm gonna have to work off at the gym so since Im lazy I'll just cut out the junk I guess, at least til next fall.

6. Ripped fuel and whey protein shakes: So I bought metabolism boosting ephedra-free ripped fuel from the vitamin shoppe and I'm taking 2 pills before each meal. Hopefully it will help erase any calories I do intake and give me more energy for my workouts. After a workout, I'm also drinking a whey protein shake to build muscle mixed with 8oz of skim milk. Not sure how either is gonna work out but stay tuned.

7. Cooking: Dane and I are going to make conscious efforts to cook more and only healthy stuff. So far I've grilled up some boneless skinless chicken breasts on his lean mean fat-reducing george foreman grilling machine and made some spinach. I have had some pasta too but am trying to cut that out more as I go on. We'll see what happens.

8. Work out routine: I'll be trying to go to the gym every other day AT LEAST, and do more cardio like running, not the dumb elliptical. Considering I've been basically avoiding the gym for the past 3 months ANYTHING is an improvement at this point. My friend Derek teaches bikram yoga too at some place (I cant remember the name) and he said he could get me some free passes and I could even crash some of his classes sometimes so that's major. Plus I completely hate doing my abs too but I'm gonna try to do crunches a lot more and 8 min abs on youtube and abs at the gym, ab machines I don't use, ab classes, abs abs abs abs. GRRR

9. Dance: I love to dance and I think that it's an excellent work out! I will make an effort to go out and dance more! Hey, maybe I'll dance walking down the street and on the subway too. It's a small price to pay for a hot beach bod!

10. CUT OUT THE JUNK!: I will be staying away from fried foods, and fast foods, and regular sodas, unnecessary chocolate fixes, diners at 2 am (unless I'm drinking coffee), billy's cupcakes, $6 burgers from the blarney stone, pepperoni pizzas all to myself, and late night starburst runs.

So I guess that's my plan. I'm sure it's flawed but hey, so am I! I'm sure in many ways I'm doing something wrong but that's how we learn. Will it work? Will I fail? Will I succeed? At least I lived and I believe, no matter what they take from me they can't take away my dignity!! The time has come for me to lip synch............FOR MY LIFE!!!

What do you think?? Can I get an AMEN?!!

I can't with my new mac

So I finally did it. I bought a mac.

After spending a whole lifetime on PCs I decided to make the switch. Now I can blog again and I can stop stealing Dane's computer all the time. I even managed to get an illegal college student discount for this lovely MacBook Pro and the girl who sold it to me went to high school with me! Isn't that just the absolute most?!

She said I look exactly the same as I did in high school and haven't aged a bit! Aww isn't she just such a sweetie!?

I don't know why I have been so afraid of using macs my whole life. So far so good. After my stupid PC completely crashed and wouldnt even turn on I had a mini freak out that I had completely lost all my files and music and videos and photos and docs but thank god everything managed to be recovered from my hard drive and put onto this nifty macbook.

WHEW!

I look forward to discovering all the magic that is mac....

Stay tuned.

I'm totes gonna write more, I just wanted to check in.

I'm not dead. I've just been computer-less. Til now, of course.

MUAH BITCHES

I can't with New York Sex Club

I have finally joined a gym! New York Sports Club.

Dane and I joined together the other night. The guy who helped us was young and cute and gay and Colombian from Queens who happens to be born one day later than I was. Go figure! Two leos! Anyway, I guess I'll be seeing him around. Whatever.

What I really wanted to talk about is how much sex seems to be going on at this place! I came from Queens, (Astoria as you all know) and you would never catch this type of behavior at my old gym, the very fabulous Club Fitness. I do miss that gym very much. It had a gorgeous waterfull and a pond and laser light spinning classes. I felt like I was Ivana working out at Trump Tower. Not to mention the people that went there were mainly Greek and Italian blue collar Queens guys who were no nonsense juice heads that liked to get in, pump some iron and get the fuck out.

The last time I lived in Manhattan I had a gym in my building so New York Sports Club has pretty much been my first foray into Manhattan public gyms and lets just say, it's sleazy! I worked out for the first time today and all was going well until I went into the little personal training area upstairs behind all the machines where it's a little closed off from the rest of the gym and this latino guy comes over and even though he had all the space in the room to look in the mirror he came up directly next to me, about a foot away, lifted up his shirt and started feeling his body in the mirror. He put his hand down his pants!! I was like, umm i dunno if im ready for this, at least not at the gym.

Then, later on in the locker room, this white guy comes in from the gym and starts to get naked all the while looking at me change while Im getting ready to leave and he starts playing with himself right in front of me. Not to mention there were other people in the locker room. I immediately got nervous and turned around to where I heard these guys talking to see if they were noticing what was going on but I couldnt see them. The guy who was fondling himself peered over to see that there were people on the other side of the lockers so put his towel on, looked at me, and smiled as if to say, "Hey baby, come with me into the shower"

At that point I zipped up my hoodie and walked out.

Hey don't get me wrong, I'm a single gay male in NYC and I'm up to my own tricks for sure. I just dont know if I'm ready for these things to be happening at my gym. Maybe I'm old fashioned when it comes to working out. Maybe I just like to get in, pump, and get out, like those mediterranean goombas at my old gym. I do have to honestly say though that these little encounters completely took me by surprise and I wasn't expecting them at all.

Believe me, I've heard multiple stories about the saunas and the steam room (the low self-esteem room as I like to call it) but I didnt expect someone to fondle themselves in the weight area while I'm doing bicep curls.

Maybe I'm just being dramatic and it's all just new to me. Maybe one day i'll turn into one of these gym sluts like everyone else in NY but call me a prude, I guess I prefer real gay love in this town, the kind you can find online.