I can't with my diet

So it's a new month and a new me. Operation diet for Fire Island is in full effect as of yesterday and I honestly have to say, I'm starving.

This winter I became quite accustomed to eating a lot of junk because I guess I had to face it, that's what I love to eat! McDonald's and Wendy's and Burger King are like my favorite ever! I like to get the Angus Bacon and Cheese burger with a side of fries and that orange kool-aidy drink and a chicken mcnuggies for an appetizer. I like pizza too and when Domino's had those 555 deals which were 3 medium one topping pizzas for 5 dollars each ohmigod that was the end for me.

The past few months I have been super bad and have been drinking a shit load of regular soda like ginger ale and coca cola and snacking regularly on chips and pretzels and chocolate and starburst! Starburst are my absolute fave. I like the baja california flavored ones but recently starburst put out this "FaveReds" pack where every starburst in the pack is red and aren't those really the only ones we really like anyway? It's a pack of Cherry, Strawberry, Watermelon, and Fruit Punch and I would run down to the deli in the middle of the night just to satisfy my cravings and practically be finished with them before I could even get back to my apartment.

Plus dont even get me started on the ice cream and desserts! Honestly for so long I wouldn't say I avoided sweets but I just never had much of a taste for them. The past year however I started buying ice cream and loving it. When cakes and pies and cookies and stuff used to be around I used to be like, "No thanks" not cuz I was watching my weight or anything but mainly cause I just didn't want any. That was then, this is now. Nowadays whenever someone busts out some homemade treat at work watch out because I'll probably be knocking you over to get at it and whenever it's someone's birthday I love the little cupcake rituals we have in the greenroom not to mention all the times I've been going to Billy's bakeshop outside of the office. My friend Roger is the manager there and gives me treats for free and I can never resist their carrot cupcakes with the cream cheese icing and pecans on top. Mmmmmm.

So it's probably a good thing that my final Fire Island share payment for 2010 was due yesterday and while writing and mailing the check I was able to reflect on all the amazing yet so oh fattening treats I've been enjoying the past few months and recognize a change was in order, in a big way.

Since I've told people I've been "going on a diet" for the most part their reactions have been "What are you talking about? You're crazy, you're thin!" Although some queeny bitches have been like "Girl get in gear and lose that flabby tummy pronto, the summer's almost here!" (Even though they feed me chubby hubby on Thursday nights and get mad when I go to the gym instead of their place to watch Project Runway. No shade) But I guess saying I'm going on a diet is more my way of saying that I'm going to change my eating habits through omissions and healthy substitutions and make an effort to stay active more than usual.

So what exactly am I doing? Here's a rundown:

1. Water - Ok so I very rarely if ever drink water but I hear that's what really helps people lose weight and look great. In one of the early seasons of America's Next Top Model when Yoanna House won I remember watching an interview with her where she discussed how before she made it on the show she used to be a fatty and when they asked how she lost all the extra poundage and what she did to look so great she said she drank gallons and gallons of water everyday. So that's what I'm gonna do too. Thanks Yoanna!

2. Diet Soda: When I'm not gulping water and want a treat I'm only going to drink diet soda instead of all the regular stuff. I've found that Diet Sunkist really serves up a refreshing taste while not tasting so diety and although I've never really given it a chance I'm going to buy some Diet Dr. Pepper too. I remember those commercials where they said that "Diet Dr. Pepper tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper" so I'm gonna buy some of that and decide for myself once and for all. Plus even though I'll be switching to diet soda I'm still only gonna make it a treat for myself like a can with lunch or something, not all the time.

3. Special K: So I've always heard a lot about this special k diet and decided to somewhat try it. I bought the cereal and the cereal bars and will be having this for breakfast in lieu of my bacon, egg, and cheese's and bagels with cream cheese. I wont be doing the 2 bowls of cereal a day thing and sensible dinner though but I will be enjoying it some mornings (always with skim milk) and sometimes with fresh fruit here and there to spruce it up. The cereal bars are 90 calories and that's a lot better than the breakfasts I'm used to!

4. Coffee: Not only being more water in my body but coffee also helps to speed metabolism and gives more energy. I don't put milk or cream in my coffee anyway, just one sweet and low so it always makes for a great low cal drink.

5. Snacks: While at work in the middle of the day I'll usually grab a soda or some chips but now I'm now going to be stocking up on healthier alternatives like a banana, some almonds, a skim milk polly-o string cheese, or carrot sticks. I mean totally gross I'd obviously rather have the junk but more junk means more junk in my trunk that I'm gonna have to work off at the gym so since Im lazy I'll just cut out the junk I guess, at least til next fall.

6. Ripped fuel and whey protein shakes: So I bought metabolism boosting ephedra-free ripped fuel from the vitamin shoppe and I'm taking 2 pills before each meal. Hopefully it will help erase any calories I do intake and give me more energy for my workouts. After a workout, I'm also drinking a whey protein shake to build muscle mixed with 8oz of skim milk. Not sure how either is gonna work out but stay tuned.

7. Cooking: Dane and I are going to make conscious efforts to cook more and only healthy stuff. So far I've grilled up some boneless skinless chicken breasts on his lean mean fat-reducing george foreman grilling machine and made some spinach. I have had some pasta too but am trying to cut that out more as I go on. We'll see what happens.

8. Work out routine: I'll be trying to go to the gym every other day AT LEAST, and do more cardio like running, not the dumb elliptical. Considering I've been basically avoiding the gym for the past 3 months ANYTHING is an improvement at this point. My friend Derek teaches bikram yoga too at some place (I cant remember the name) and he said he could get me some free passes and I could even crash some of his classes sometimes so that's major. Plus I completely hate doing my abs too but I'm gonna try to do crunches a lot more and 8 min abs on youtube and abs at the gym, ab machines I don't use, ab classes, abs abs abs abs. GRRR

9. Dance: I love to dance and I think that it's an excellent work out! I will make an effort to go out and dance more! Hey, maybe I'll dance walking down the street and on the subway too. It's a small price to pay for a hot beach bod!

10. CUT OUT THE JUNK!: I will be staying away from fried foods, and fast foods, and regular sodas, unnecessary chocolate fixes, diners at 2 am (unless I'm drinking coffee), billy's cupcakes, $6 burgers from the blarney stone, pepperoni pizzas all to myself, and late night starburst runs.

So I guess that's my plan. I'm sure it's flawed but hey, so am I! I'm sure in many ways I'm doing something wrong but that's how we learn. Will it work? Will I fail? Will I succeed? At least I lived and I believe, no matter what they take from me they can't take away my dignity!! The time has come for me to lip synch............FOR MY LIFE!!!

What do you think?? Can I get an AMEN?!!